my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
