when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
