when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
