We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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