how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The air was thick with penises
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
