I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
