Are we in a gay sports bar?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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