Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
