my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
