Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
