my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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