I hate your face
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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