you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize