My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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