Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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