Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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