the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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