I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i drank out of a bidet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
