Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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