I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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