i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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