I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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