Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
