So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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