my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
