I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize