If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
