would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
