Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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