I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize