So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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