I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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