Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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