And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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