I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
