Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
