At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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