I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
