Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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