Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
