all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
