So drunk its hurt
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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