I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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