your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
