Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Less talking, more tequila
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize