we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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