oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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