At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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