distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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