Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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