I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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