No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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