I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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