thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
