I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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