i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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