his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
