Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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