You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
