i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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