ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
