i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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