Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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