I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
