I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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