Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
