Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
