Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
