so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
